Alone when we’re together | by Film Probe
The concept of love, the idea of the perfect relationship. Is it attainable? Can we achieve the romanticised relationships we all dream of? Well, often cinema can emulate the harsh reality of relationships, the upsetting truth we all like to ignore. Even when we seem perfect for one another, it doesn’t mean it’ll work it.
I wanted to explore a few on screen relationships that embody the question, are we alone in this relationship? Although we are together, we still feel individual, isolated and pressured to be a better version of ourselves.
Firstly, I wanted to challenge the relationship between Clementine and Joel in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. This film is about memories and experiences, through being together Clementine and Joel discover that a perfect life or a perfect relationship is unattainable. This film intelligently challenges the notion of ignorance, ignoring pain is meaningless and creates for more challenges. Although Joel and Clementine have a connection, their relationship is flawed and they are fundamentally incompatible personalities. They cause the other constant pain and therefore, I believe even when they are together they still feel undeniably alone.
Luca Guadagnino’s Queer is a surrealist depiction of love, detachment and obsession. Queer experiments with the concept of growth, self discovery and self acceptance. Although Queer represents the idea of intimate and infinite love, Lee and Eugene often bring out the worst in one another. Eugene is distant and closed off, Lee longs for more and struggles with his loneliness. Although the pair go on a fierce and heated affair, it ends tragically and I think there is no denying that when these two are together they ultimately feel alone, lost and confused.
Luca Guadagnino is going to become a common theme, as a filmmaker he is known for his cinema of desire. A lot of his films represent relationships between flawed and broken individuals, people longing for more and hoping for perfection. Bones & All tells the story of Maren and Lee, a pair living on the margins of society. Each of them learn all roads lead back to their traumatising pasts, as much as they try to run from it their love is forced to survive in the harshest of conditions. Although Bones & All is raw cannibalistic love story, when you analyse Maren and Lee’s relationship they are distracting one another from their real issues. By the end of the feature Maren consumes Lee, bones and all, essentially incorporating him into herself. Maren and Lee used each other to move forward in their lives and relate to one another but in reality, they were two individuals traveling together; not a true depiction of love.
Elio and Oliver’s relationship can be interpreted in a number of ways, to me, the most prominent theme is vulnerability and exploitation. Elio falls hard for Oliver, he is attracted to his confidence, his knowledge and his unapologetic intimacy but Oliver doesn’t see Elio the same way. Elio is a fling to Oliver, their relationship may appear real in the moment but overtime, Oliver moves on and Elio becomes consumed by the idea of ‘what if’? Luca Guadagnino’s Call me by your Name is one of the perfect examples of being lonely in a relationship, Oliver is independent and Elio attempts to be independent but instead longs for more. Elio is so precious and conscious of impressing Oliver, he cannot relax around him and therefore, becomes devoured by the prospect of being alone.
Her, a science fiction romance about an introverted writer, a lonely man attempting to fill the evolved need to not be alone. Theodore buys an Artificial Intelligence system to help him write but soon enough he falls in love with it. Her is a beautiful rendition of loneliness and feeling insignificant. Her is a film made specifically for anyone who has ever felt lonely or heartbroken, the feature is immediately relatable and depicts the longing for love. Theodore and Samantha’s relationship is not real and I feel like I don’t need to explain how Theodore is both physically and mentally alone in the ‘relationship’.
(500) Days of Summer is about unrequited love, seeing a future with someone only for it to be a figment of your imagination. This quirky romance comedy sees Tom who fall for Summer, a girl he thought he could spend the rest of his life with but she does not believe in relationships or boyfriends. Tom is a lonely, vulnerable character before he even meets Summer but once he starts his relationship with her he puts bandages over his wounds and believes his life is instantly complete. This film is heartbreaking but also incredibly realistic, sometimes when you love someone they don’t feel the same way. Both Tom and Summer feel alone in their relationship, Tom because he longs to give Summer everything she wants and strives to be loved by her. Summer is alone because she doesn’t believe in commitment and subconsciously shuts herself off from the prospect of romance, this film is the epitome of feeling alone when you’re together.
Noah Baumbach’s Marriage Story is simple, it is a story of divorce. Messy, heartbreaking and emotional separation. Charlie and Nicole hate one another but at one point they loved one another, they had a ‘perfect’ relationship, they were the idea of love but that was shattered by life and expectation. Marriage Story’s core theme is loneliness, feeling alone when you’re together and longing to be apart. Marriage is complex, relationships are complex and sometimes it doesn’t work out the way you envisioned it.
Chungking Express depicts missed connections and loneliness with a romantic touch. The film follows two stories, intertwined in a genius narrative in a tale of loss. The loss of a romantic relationship and how that makes you lose yourself, but also the love and memories of when times were good. The film uses the chaotic environment of Hong Kong to highlight how individuals can feel alone even in a crowded city. This film solidifies the idea that love is weird and unpredictable. You can fall for someone in a second and then drift out of each other's lives in an instant, love is not planned, love is not what we imagine it to be. Love can be lonely.
Andrei Tarkovsky’s Solaris is a strange choice for this list because the idea of a physical, human relationships is secondary to the idea of love's role in humanity's destiny. Solaris takes a deep dive into the psychological impacts of isolation and the idea that human life is ultimately based on the need for love and acceptance.
This film searches for meaning, the characters are haunted by their past, particularly Kelvin. Kelvin is confronted with the manifestation of his deceased wife, forcing him to grapple with his guilt and unresolved grief. Kelvin is alone both physically and emotionally, he chose to leave his wife although he knew the tragic outcome of his actions. Kelvin is consumed by his loneliness both before and after his wife’s passing. Love and consciousness are closely tied together within this film and I believe being alone is a key element to the progression of Kelvin’s character.
Thelma and Louise is a story of friendship, the idea of looking out for one another and prioritising yourself above all else. Both Thelma and Louise are depicted as experiencing a deep sense of loneliness, which is a major driving force behind their decision to flee and embark on their road trip together. Thelma feels trapped in a stifling marriage with an abusive husband, while Louise, despite appearing more controlled, feels isolated in her life and unfulfilled in her relationship with her controlling boyfriend. Both women feel alone in their relationship and only find true love within their friendship. The women are fleeing from their loneliness but ultimately give in to the fear of going back. The fear of being alone again.
Scott Pilgrim vs The World shares the story of two awkward, unassuming individuals who accidentally find each other. Ramona tends to run away from relationships when things get difficult, leaving Scott to ultimately feel like he can't fully connect with her.
Scott fights Ramona’s ex’s but in this process he discovers his self respect and realises he is worthy of his own love, not just Ramona’s. Both characters struggle with open communication, leading to misunderstandings and causing further distance between them. Although Scott ends up with Ramona, the girl of his dreams, I believe Scott is better off alone. His relationship with Ramona made him a better man, it gave him the power of self respect and the confidence to fight for what he believes in but Ramona caused a lot more anguish in Scott’s life than happiness. I think the idea of Ramona makes Scott happier than he realises, Scott is still begging for Ramona’s approval and he’s utterly consumed by the idea of her.
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